Neither of my parents was mentally and emotionally stable

Every night before going to sleep, I would invoke a dream for each of the Futhark runes in turn, staring with Fehu. My eternally adolescent mother left when I was three. All I knew as a child was that his eyes would occasionally turn black and then I would most likely get a beating.
_

Antonia:
Night after night I cry myself to sleep seriously I just want to die.
(20 September 2016)

Antonia:
Unfortunately I never feel comforted.
(20 September 2016)

Antonia:
I pray to thank God for comfort.
(20 September 2016)

Antonia:
I am so depressed I just want to die.
(20 September 2016)

Antonia:
Now I am left with nowhere to go no one to talk to.
(20 September 2016)

Antonia:
I have pushed all my friends away and wasted 10 years of my life with a man who hates me.
(20 September 2016)

Antonia:
I just broke up with him because I feel more alone with him then being by myself.
(20 September 2016)

Antonia:
There's nothing I can do to make him happy.
(20 September 2016)

Antonia:
Also I have been in a relationship with a very abusive man for the last 10 years.
(20 September 2016)

Antonia:
I never argued with them they just drifted away from me.
(20 September 2016)